Let me say this first: Breastfeeding is a decision. Choosing not to breastfeed does not make you any less of a good mom nor does it mean you love your baby less. We all love our kids like the universe. Immeasurable. Infinite. Breastfed or formula fed, they will all be well-rounded healthy individuals for as long as they grow up knowing and feeling that they are loved. Period.
As I type this, I know I want to answer why did I decide to breastfeed? Aside from the textbook answers on better EQ, IQ, all the Q's combined, still I do ask myself why did I decide to become a milking momma?
I mean breastfeeding is HARD! It is very very very painful (at the beginning). I remember trembling with pain in the middle of the night just because it was that painful. (Note: not all experiences are the same. Believe me though when I say, I am not exaggerating).
Breastfeeding is DYAHE. I had to expose my breasts to so many boys aside from my husband. My dad, my DIL (dad-in-law), my BIL (brother in law), my sister's boyfriend, the male medreps waiting at my pedia's office, my husband's cousin's husband, male friends, male strangers, mineral water delivery boy etc... (okay well you get the idea)
Breastfeeding is sort of magastos too. Breastpump. Storage bags and bottles. Nursing tops and bras. Nipple creams. Other nursing accessories like covers, bags. (still cheaper than buying formula though I must admit)
My baby now refuses to feed through the bottle. He's become too loyal to my boobs that he simply refuses to feed easily through the bottle. I bought so many types of bottles and nipples already that my house is starting to look like a nursery. During feeding session, major major warla sila ni yaya. (Note to self: Must donate unused bottles to CRIBS.)
I look like a Christmas tree whenever I go to work. I could be bringing 4 bags daily: my actual bag, breastpump bag, fridge to go bag, and laptop bag.
Still everyday I decide. As much as I tell myself I am breastfeeding for Elijah, I know in my hearts of hearts I am breastfeeding more for me. Because I am not yet ready to let go our quiet moments when he's feeding and I am dreaming of the world he will eventually witness when he gets older. Because I know not of any other way of tuning out the world out even just for a moment. During those times, it’s just Elijah and me. And not a day passes that I do not thank God that I made this decision.
Some breastfeeding photos of me.
Credits to Mr. Stanley Ong of Stork Studio for the pictures. :)
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