Sigh. Senti. Stars.

I am feeling senti. (Sorry na. Cheese alert. Move to the next blog if you are feeling extra angsty)

I was running to get home and Eli's yaya was watching American Idol (I know right! Very sosyal si Conching). I came in and saw Casey's performance just in time. (Read: I have never been Casey's fan. I am kinda apathetic sa lahat ng AI contestants or to any reality show contestant for that matter.)

Anyways, I saw it and I am trying to find other words to describe the performance but I can't. It was super heart wrenching. (Na-tug ang mga atrium at ventricles ng aking heart for some reason.)

Watch and don't throw me pebbles if you do not agree.

Anyhoo, so back to senti mode. For some reason it brought me back to the journeys I made for love. And how I finally arrived here, I don't know. I just know I am lucky to have found love in this mad crazy world.

Thank you because I have never even found the courage to love 'me' entirely but you have embraced me flaws and all. Thank you just because you have been the one calm and constant presence amidst my whirlwind life. Thank you because I can still listen to love songs and not throw up. (Except "It Might Be You". I shudder. Loved Tootsie though.)

I thank God for nights like this. When emotions are my prayers. I am out of words but my heart is saying everything. Thank you for the wonderful man beside me. He is not perfect Lord but I am a much better person because of him.

How wonderful life is...

Happiness is.

My apologies if I will sound morbid on a bright sunshiny Sunday morning. My goal is exactly the opposite. Earthquakes are everywhere. But the world is just too beautiful. I do not need to look too far because I know that I live in a beautiful community. I hear birds chirping every morning. Clear vivid smiling faces of cute little kids are ever present whenever I look outside our balcony. So the world cannot simply be falling apart.

Here's why I love living at our place.

Whenever it's bright and sunny we always take Eli for a stroll:

I get to meet the friendliest dogs any day:

Elijah likes looking at the clear blue waters and he believes that he can drink all of it:

Nice people going about their daily lives:





Simple things like these takes my breath away:

Thinking Elijah will grow up in this place make me happy:

I have the nicest neighbors too who also adores Elijah.

I will never trade this feeling for anything. Contentment. So please Lord, keep us safe and healthy. That is all I will ever ask.

Some senseless side story to distract you from the seriousness of this post.

H: Bee, may gwa-gwa!

Me: What's gwa-gwa? That's in Pampanga no?

H: Look it's a gwa-gwa! Yung sa horror story ni Kris!

Me: That's called bagwa! And no that is not a bagwa.

H: Don't pick it up. We might be exterminated isa-isa.

Me: See here look, I am touching it. And it is not a gwa-gwa nor a bagwa.

See for yourself.

Happy Sunday! :)

On my decision to breastfeed...

Let me say this first: Breastfeeding is a decision. Choosing not to breastfeed does not make you any less of a good mom nor does it mean you love your baby less. We all love our kids like the universe. Immeasurable. Infinite. Breastfed or formula fed, they will all be well-rounded healthy individuals for as long as they grow up knowing and feeling that they are loved. Period.

As I type this, I know I want to answer why did I decide to breastfeed? Aside from the textbook answers on better EQ, IQ, all the Q's combined, still I do ask myself why did I decide to become a milking momma?

I mean breastfeeding is HARD! It is very very very painful (at the beginning). I remember trembling with pain in the middle of the night just because it was that painful. (Note: not all experiences are the same. Believe me though when I say, I am not exaggerating).

Breastfeeding is DYAHE. I had to expose my breasts to so many boys aside from my husband. My dad, my DIL (dad-in-law), my BIL (brother in law), my sister's boyfriend, the male medreps waiting at my pedia's office, my husband's cousin's husband, male friends, male strangers, mineral water delivery boy etc... (okay well you get the idea)

Breastfeeding is sort of magastos too. Breastpump. Storage bags and bottles. Nursing tops and bras. Nipple creams. Other nursing accessories like covers, bags. (still cheaper than buying formula though I must admit)

My baby now refuses to feed through the bottle. He's become too loyal to my boobs that he simply refuses to feed easily through the bottle. I bought so many types of bottles and nipples already that my house is starting to look like a nursery. During feeding session, major major warla sila ni yaya. (Note to self: Must donate unused bottles to CRIBS.)

I look like a Christmas tree whenever I go to work. I could be bringing 4 bags daily: my actual bag, breastpump bag, fridge to go bag, and laptop bag.

Still everyday I decide. As much as I tell myself I am breastfeeding for Elijah, I know in my hearts of hearts I am breastfeeding more for me. Because I am not yet ready to let go our quiet moments when he's feeding and I am dreaming of the world he will eventually witness when he gets older. Because I know not of any other way of tuning out the world out even just for a moment. During those times, it’s just Elijah and me. And not a day passes that I do not thank God that I made this decision.

Some breastfeeding photos of me.

Credits to Mr. Stanley Ong of Stork Studio for the pictures. :)

On a Warzone

I read blogs to make my life more interesting. I blog to make my life seem interesting. I do not have any cohesive thoughts now. So let me just bombard you with random snippets in my brain at the moment.

-         My baby is getting heavier. (Bad news for me and my hubby’s back. Read: Ouch!)

-         My cab driver yesterday was listening to Metallica and he knows all the lyrics to their songs.

-         Will 4 kilos of baked macaroni and cheese enough to feed 20 people?

-         I want to start reading Nancy Drew once again.

-         I do not want to be late for this Saturday morning’s check up. (Eli always ends up as the last. Kasabay na namin sa pila mga med reps. Hehehe)

-         Why am I suddenly addicted to Reese’s peanut butter cups? (Have you tasted Selecta Reese’s ice cream? It is DIVINE! You will never get enough of it. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.)

-         I want to give my mommy a gift. Just something to let her know I love her very much.

-         Sometimes, my husband wants to test my patience. He annoys the hell out of me just to witness my breaking point. Then he will text me: Galit? Duh?

-         When should I give our maid another increase? My mother thinks I should give her na because she’s very masipag.

-         My back hurt after getting a home massage last night. It doesn’t even hurt before I got the massage. Dang!

-         Elijah is turning 4 months tomorrow. He is becoming more and more good looking everyday.

-         Today’s office was a warzone.

More on the warzone. Read: I am super human. I like to go to work on some days. Most days I would just like to stay at home. But, I go to the office anyway. Because I have an obligation. Because I know I have to. And just because I have principles. If I hate my job so much, it still wouldn’t show. I would leave my job not for any other reasons besides the fact that I want to move on to the next chapter of my life. I will not leave due to bitterness. Or spite. Or hatred. And until my last day expect me to be professional. That’s as far as the ranting goes.

Thank you very much void for listening to my not so struggling struggles.

Just saying.

I Miss Being Your Girlfriend



I really do. I was in the smelliest cab in the world on my way to work. And I was like, have we become those old married couples? We used to laugh like hyenas over senseless US TV sitcoms, have earthshaking conversations with the light dimmed low, hug and cuddle and be silly while dreaming of dreams and marveling at our greatness. I have asked him this and his reply was, yea because we became parents.

I used to be his best friend. Like our world revolved and evolved around each other. Don’t get me wrong I am not complaining. Being called a ‘mom’ is possibly the best thing that has ever happened to me. More than any accomplishments I’ve done so far. Safely bringing our genius baby into this world makes all my other achievements pale in comparison.

But for some reason, I do miss our ‘Wednesdates’. Underneath the new hats I have to wear, this is still me. I am still funny. I am still sexy as hell. And I can still rock your world if only we can make time. So why not make time? Hope to spend an alone date with you my baby daddy. You’re the cutest thing that existed before Eli was born. I would love to be your girlfriend once again even if it’s only a day or two each month. Let’s date okay, JP? I love you to bits (although sometimes you make me want to scratch your eyeballs out kasi you can be antipatiko and hypercritical pero sige na I give that to you, you make up for it naman somehow).